Posted by: thatjen | April 12, 2005

A Box of Hammers

Why on earth do otherwise intelligent, caring, socially competent, compassionate people insist on telling me about K.’s progress or lack thereof towards the birth of her baby? And these are people who knew I was pregnant and due the day before she was, who knew we were so excited to be sharing our pregnancies, who knew about the miscarriage, people who goddamn should have known better.

I do care about K., and I will be really really happy for her when her baby is born. But I will also be really really miserable for me. And those emotions are too complex to try and express at work, so I wish I could just avoid the whole subject here. Unfortunately, I don’t run the world (’cause, duh, if I did, we’d all have babies!) and I can’t seem to avoid these horrid interactions. These people are my coworkers and I don’t want to be branded around the school as the misanthropic psychopath I sometimes feel like. So I nod and try not to grimace, and escape the conversations as quickly as possible. However, here are some things I’d rather say:

  • Oh really? I haven’t had my baby yet either.
  • Excuse me, I have real work to do.
  • Hello?!? Do you have a single living brain cell? Do you know that you are plunging a knife in my gut at this moment?
  • You mean all pregnancies don’t end in miscarriage?
  • Is K. having a baby? I didn’t know.
  • Get out of my face.
  • If you’re willing to pay for my therapist, we can continue this conversation.

And now that I’ve vented, it’s time to go back to work. Oh joy.


  1. Oh fer fuck’s sake! What morons! People really don’t get it unless they’ve been through it. And even then they often have selective memories…What asshats. I don’t know what the hell I’d say in your situation either. It’s hard to say something that will get people to leave you alone about it without getting their hackles up. Maybe if you’re just very matter-of-fact about it like, “I am just as concerned/hopeful/happy for K as anyone else here if not more so, but it is impossible not to mourn my own loss in these circumstances. I’d really rather not talk about it.” Well, that’s my ass-vice for the day. Take it with a grain of salt. I hope your friends and co-workers get a clue.

    -Carrie Jo

  2. Oh geez. People just never shut up. Sorry you have to endure this some time longer…

    My take is, what you say or don’t say in reply depends on what you want the future relationships with the said friends and coworkers to be like.

    I would say something back though..

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