The universe never learned to fight fair. It seems that life likes to smack you more when you’re already down. My record for today is TWO slaps upside the head in about an hour (and of course, all the while we’re still coming to terms with Aunt Bea’s death).
Smack The First: I went to the RE’s office this afternoon for what seems like the billionth time. Yet another pointless beta. A beta I need to be zero, because otherwise it means the molar cells are coming back. I can’t even explain how twisted it is to get a beta and WANT it to be zero when you are in the middle of trying to get pregnant.*
Smack The Second: I logged on to the school email when I got back from the doctor’s and saw a message from a coworker who left in the fall because her husband got a new job a few hours away. It was a general message, not specifically to me, and I bet you can guess what it was. Yup. A birth announcement. The baby was born a couple of weeks ago. Which means she was not yet pregnant when she left — but I was. Here we are 9 months later: she has a kid, I don’t — and I’m still not pregnant.
I know in the big scheme of things (certainly compared to losing an amazing person like Bea) these are utterly trivial. But they still suck. And if you can’t complain about it on your own blog, where can you?
*I know this gets kind of confusing. Now that I have a history of molar pregnancy, a positive beta will never be 100% good again, because it could ALWAYS mean a recurrence of the mole – even if I am also pregnant. ** But if I know I am NOT pregnant (which I do now, since I got my period), a positive beta is ONLY bad, because we know at that point it means molar activity. Clear as mud? Good.
** So if/when I do get pregnant again, the beta will be helpful but not infalliable. We’ll have to wait and see how things look on the ultrasound, and I’ll be getting them a couple of times in the first tri to make sure things are going ok. If everything’s still looking good at the end of the first trimester, then we assume I have no molar activity… but it could come back the next day, or 6 years later, or never. Chances that it will come back? Small, but existant. Fun with Moles!