Posted by: thatjen | August 30, 2005

A big To Do about Nothing

My theoretical to do lists, both at work and at home, are colossal. I started a new job two weeks ago, and it’s the beginning of the school year, and my new school has 600 kids (20% more than my last school) all of which adds up to a staggering list of things to learn, prepare, juggle, conquer, and just plain survive. And of course at home there are all the usual things (laundry, shopping, cooking, bills) plus we’re still — two years later — getting our house in order.

However, my actual list of accomplishments looks more like this:
1. Cry
2. Eat
3. Watch the clock
4. Check G-mail, FF, and various blogs for updates
5. Check again since there weren’t any updates the last time I checked
6. Sleep

I’d like to get more accomplished, but I have so little energy and my emotional reserves are kind of empty. The combination leaves me feeling even MORE overwhelmed, and the vicious cycle continues.

The crying is pretty much hormonal wackiness. ANYTHING can make me cry right now. Commercials, jokes, the news, anything that my brain can remotely connect to the idea of family (e.g. “Twist ties? Bread bags are closed up with twist ties. People bake bread. Moms bake bread. Families eat bread.” Waaaaaah! It’s that ludicrous, I tell you.)

And time? Time is definitely the enemy. As my dad said the other night, “Well, when you find out you’re pregnant so early, it’s going to last a loooooooong time.” I hope he’s right… but I *know* he’s right about things so far. I feel like I’ve been pregnant for an eternity, but I’m not even eight weeks yet. We’ve got ANOTHER MONTH of this until we get past when we had the D&C last time; another month until we’re out of the first trimester. Another month until I may be able to show the people that hired me that they made the right choice and hired someone with the capacity to be something other than an inert lump.

Argh.

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Responses

  1. Yeah, wouldn’t it be great to find out you’re PG in that casual “Hmmm…my period is 3 or 4 weeks late” kind of way?? I’m so totally attuned to my cycle now that it’s become ingrained in my morning schedule: Wake up, it’s 7 o’clock, CD 11. Cool.” I bet things will really pick up once you’re past the 12-weeks zone and feel like you can exhale a little. (c’mon….just a little.) *hugs* to you (and Harpo…who’s name I’m curious about)

  2. Hmmm…you know it’s bad when you don’t even know how far along you are. It’s 8 weeks TODAY, you nut.

  3. The twist tie bit made me choke up a little… and I’m definitely not pregnant.

    It has to be emotionally difficult to know that you’ve got so much at stake, and I’m certainly not about to open up my mouth and offer assvice about something I know nothing about.

    So – instead – here’s to hoping it gets better soon. Here’s to knowing that your baby will have the greatest parents. Here’s another day going by.

  4. Happy 8 weeks along! 🙂 You’ll be fine–i hear these first couple of months are quite interesting emotionally. i wish you all the best.

  5. My low point was weeping at an episode of Pimp My Ride. You know, that really tragic drama on MTV. That was just your basic infertility meds doing that, not pregnancy. I dread to think…


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