Posted by: thiscait | October 19, 2005

Since You Asked…

Here’s the update on the medicine saga:

We have paid for one month out of pocket, and are still waiting for word from our insurance about whether or not they will reimburse us. They were supposed to tell us by last week, but hey, who’s counting? Unfortunately, the IV stuff didn’t seem to be working this time around. I am on an oral antibiotic now, targeting a different tick-borne pathogen (Bartonella, for those of you keeping score at home), in the hope that its potential existence in my body is the reason I haven’t been able to get better and stay better. Next week I go back to my doctor and we decide if I will continue on the oral stuff, switch back to the IV and see if it works better after the oral stuff, or…I don’t know what else. This has the potential to be one of those “I don’t know what else we can do for you” appointments. Which are always so pleasant after taking half a day off of work, driving for an hour or so, and paying a couple hundred bucks (because of course he’s out of network).

So in the meantime, I’m tired, achy, grumpy, and about to remove my right arm because the tape on the picc line is making it ITCH LIKE MAD. I, um, accidentally bit Jen on the arm because it was itching so much. But I’ve already cried about that, so please don’t make me feel like more of a horrible person. Really, I was just going for the shirt sleeve. Though the scar from the actual IV will be small, I fear the itchy welts from the tape will leave me looking rather reptilian for months after the thing is finally removed. And I can’t even knit anymore because my hands hurt too much, so Harpo will only have a hat and one sleeve of a sweater. Grrr.

I feel horrible about being so whiny, but that’s how I’m feeling right now. I’m so done with all of this. I want my body back. I want to be able to be helpful and supportive to Jen. I want to be a good mother to Harpo, should we be lucky enough to have him/her stick around. I just want to be done with drugs and doctors and STUPID ITCHY THINGS ON MY ARM. I’d almost rather be stuck with this for the rest of my life than keep trying thing after thing and having each one fail.

But enough of me. It’s time for Harpo and mommies to go to bed. We now return you to your regular programming.

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Responses

  1. Oh Cait! Honey I am so sorry that nothing seems to be helping. Who knew Lyme could be so bad and last so long?
    Don’t feel bad about biting her. I’m sure she’ll do much worse to you when she’s in labor.
    I hope that they find something soon that works so you can be normal again, and stop financing this doctor’s vacation home!
    Thanks for letting us know. Of course, I was hoping for a more pleasant outcome, as I am sure you were!

  2. Good luck. It sounds frustrating and miserable. But you have lots of people pulling for you.

  3. Oh Cait honey, man this just sucks ass!

    I’m thinking, I’m thinking… and I was one of the ones asking.
    Hmm, OK – are there any good teaching hospitals in teh area that would love to use you as a guinniea pig? Woudl you be willing? Have you done the accupuncture thing? Can I pester you enough?

    Just know I’m thinking of you, and wishing I had answers…

    xoxoxoxox and smooshy hugs and kisses, and LOTS of Chicken soup (made from vegetable broth)

  4. For the record, it was a nip, not a bite. And although I yelped in surprise, I laughed immediately afterward.

    I would let her bite my arm – hard – all the time if it would make her better, though.

  5. My friend Katie had lyme diesease several years ago. It really is icredibly unpleasant. Positive thoughts being sent your way that you get better quickly.

  6. I’m originally from two towns over from Lyme, Connecticut, and many of my childhood friends/family members have it. It’s no picnic and is a rather mysterious disease. I’m sorry that you have to deal with this…

  7. That line, “Should Harpo stick around” made me sad. Of course Harpo will stick around! I was just thinking of you guys the other day when I was tlaking to my friend due in March…I thought, “That’s just a month earlier than Cait and Jen!” Funny how your internet friends sort of become part of your life?! 🙂

    Praying for the lyme to get more tolerable.

  8. Yes, i agree…Harpo WILL stick around!
    I’m so sorry you’re so miserable. But that hat is TOO CUTE!! Harpo will be adorable in it, even if you can’t knit anything else.

    I like Shelli’s suggestion. If you’re in DC, the answer is YES there are several good teaching hospitals. The real question is whether you’re willing to be the “interesting case” for the students. (and the lesbian mom part will be fascinating for those first years practicing their “social history” taking skills…just what you need, right?!)

  9. OH Cait – I’ll bet the itchies are super suckass! I’ve done my time in hospital with ivs that lasted a few days and I can’t even imagine the discomfort involved with one long term. It’s those little things that can really get to a person, its not the really scary stuff (although that is not fun at all), its the small things that one has to go through EVERY EFFING DAY that really make you crazy.

    And for the record I’m sure that you’ll be a fabo mom to Harpo whether you are still dealing with the Lyme or not.

    We are here for you guys if you need us.

  10. “Sucks ass” is exactly the phrase I was thinking…I’m really sorry. I hope there’s a silver lining on this cloud–SOON!

  11. I am also allergic to adhesive and end up with large itchy/painful welts from things like bandaids and medical tape. If I had bloodwork or IV or anything like that I request paper tape which doesn’t give me that same reaction. Hope you feel better 😦


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