Posted by: thatjen | January 17, 2009

And I’m Supposed to Be Grateful for This

I can’t even be coherent. When you mix together money, powerlessness, and injustice, you hit most of my major triggers, and it makes me spit and sputter with fury. Henceforth, my spitting:

Here we are again, jumping through hoops and spending money we don’t have so Cait can be a legal parent to the child she helped create, bring into this world, and nurtures round the clock. We shouldn’t have to do this. She should be recognized as Teddy’s parent from the outset.

Last time, we had enough money left in our savings to pay for the second parent adoption. Not this time. So we’re playing the credit card game, and it’s not something I’ve ever done. We use credit cards all the time, but we use them like cash. We only buy things we need and can afford, and we pay them on time. So I don’t know how to negotiate the fun world of balance transfers and such. I did my research and found a card that would let us carry the balance at 0% for long enough that we can make it work (I hope) but it took longer than I expected to get the card approved (why? when I can open a charge account anywhere in minutes, why did it take days??) and now they tell me that I can’t do the balance transfer until I have the physical card in my hand and that even when that’s the case, it will take 7-10 days for the balance transfer to go through. That is just CRAP. Electronic funds transfers go through in microseconds today. What the hell is 7-10 days about?

And yet, we’re lucky. 1) We have the kids. 2) We live in a (non) state where non-bio parents CAN adopt. 3) We won’t ultimately be crippled financially by this.

But that’s not making me feel much better at the moment.


  1. I’m so sorry. That sucks.

    I live in Vancouver, Canada. There are fourteen families in my daycare; three of them are families with two moms. All three of those families are American — they all moved up here to raise their families. It’s scary that people have to choose between a country they love and the rights of their family.

    Good luck. I hope that it all works out for you all.

  2. Hey you guys – I second that – it sucks! Imagine law-abiding, tax-paying citizens having the right to their own children without the money, frustration, indignity of the adoption! Maybe Obama will do it for us. I’m also writing from Cda – lived in the US for 4 years, fell in love with NC girl (together 9 years now, legally married), fell in love with US – would move back in a heartbeat if we had the rights, but we both live here and when I read posts like yours it reminds me why.
    Hope it all goes smoothly for you both.

  3. This just SUCKS.

    Can any of us shower you guys with cash to help with this? Via paypal, for example? Even though we’ll be holding our noses at the very idea that it’s necessary in the first place? Because I’d feel at least as good about giving the money to you guys as to the DCCC, who are already hitting me up again for the friggin 2010 campaign, and THEY can’t even stand up for all families in the friggin first place.

  4. I second Jody’s response. It’s absolutely outrageous that you guys need to jump through these hoops in the first damn place.

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