Posted by: thiscait | February 5, 2009

Primal Scream

Aaaaaaaaaaaa We were up until 1:00 AM cleaning and organizing for the first of our social worker visits today and the house looks great (minus the areas already covered in toys) but I’m fucking tired and I don’t want to answer her questions and I don’t know how I’m going to manage to get all the clearances done when during most business hours I have at least one extra child, usually an infant, and dragging 2 babies and a 2 year old through DC bureaucracy is the last thing I want to spend my days doing and Natalie is alternately completely ignoring me when I ask her to do something or is clinging to me like saran wrap, making it nearly impossible to do anything and I just slammed my toe into the big, heavy stepstool–the toe next to the big toe that I broke last month that I keep bumping and banging into things so that it will never heal, and the stupid cracks in my fingertips won’t go away no matter how much lotion I put on them and they hurt and Teddy is teething and has a cold and is waking up at hours of the morning beginning with 4 and staying awake and as cute as his love for his thumb is, it gets kind of frustrating to spend each feeding shooing his hand away from his mouth, because as much as he wants bottle AND thumb, it’s just not an effective feeding strategy, and my neighbor just tried to drop his baby off even though she’s not supposed to come until 1:30 which is why the social worker is coming at noon and I felt like an asshole sending him away, but this is why we HAVE a schedule, and Obama visited my school on Tuesday, but since I’m home this year, I missed it, and I feel like my parenting skills are getting a little worse each day and I just did something funky to my wordpress screen, so everything is all jumbled up and weird, so perhaps I will end my rant here.  (Deep breath)  Thank you.  Maybe it’s time to meet with my shrink and get better meds.  Or maybe just get better sleep.  Or, you know, have an adult conversation every now and again.

And for the record, I adore our kids and am very happy to get to spend this time with them.  Some days are just harder than others, is all.  And I actually feel a little better already.

Now I must go wipe my daughter’s bottom.


  1. Sleep is good. Sleep is your friend.

    Also, you know. relaxation now and then, and a reprieve from external stressors. Not that you have those.

    If that doesn’t work, yeah, meds help too.

    But you’ll survive. You’ll excel. I know it. Thinking of you.

    38 minutes…

  2. Hang in there. I’ve done two stints home (though just with one kid), one when I was still working part-time, and one when I was really truly home with no outside commitments. It might have been the age, but the first stint was much nicer than the second. The second, when I wasn’t working at all, was fine, and necessary, and great time with the kid, and all of that, it was just a much much different dynamic, and was more difficult, so I hear your frustration. And yes, sleep is a miracle, if you can get it…

  3. I feel for ya, Cait. There are days when just being the parent in charge during the day time is enough to bring you to your knees — and it does that to me with just 1! Add in a 2nd child of your own, plus someone else’s, plus all of the crap you guys have to go through right now — glad you have a place to rant!

    Thinking of you all and hoping the social worker’s visit went well today and that you are all relaxing and having a good time now!

  4. love you.

    Hear you.

    Promise LOTS of adult convo in just two days.


  5. Ugh. Cait, those days are sooooooooo hard. I hope the SW visit was great and that you get some sleep tonight. (Something tells me there will not be extra sleep this weekend.)

  6. Hope the social worker visit went well. Get some sleep. Its better to ask for help and get some sleep now than to wait until it gets worse.

  7. Sure hope the visit went well. You capture “one of those days” brilliantly in your writing.

  8. I hope your visit went well, I know how those go…you are so concerned and stressed and they want to see you calm, cool and collected. Ugh!

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